real personal post from concert

this is going to be a personal post so if you don't enjoy metal music or personal life, you're free to leave. i won't judge you, we're cool.

last night 11-29, i went to my 2nd concert in my life: the first being when i was 10-ish and last night, when i went to see GWAR. i do infact like them and how funny they are. it's was a nice concert, the second half.

let me set this scene: i was going with my friend T, who i've known since HS, my other friend B, who i've apparently known since MS, and his friend K. K right from the bat was a very nice person and i don't think he has an ass-hat bone in his body. the other two however are some other story.

when we first arrived there, they immediately went to the bar. i'm ok with this, but to a certain extent. i'm straight edge (no drinking, smoking, or abusing drugs) so i'm not fond of drugs. also i'm very sensitive around the smell of alcohol, it makes me feel sick and like i'm about to get sick (also that day i had recently gotten my monthly woman thing). i was ok with them at the bar, they should enjoy themselves too. i was 5 feet from the bar, a safe distance from the fumes. B came over and we were talking about piercings and upcoming concerts. i turned my head to avoid the smell. i told them nicely that the smell was going to make me sick, so i wanted to keep my distance. they did, for about 5 minutes. then they finished the first round and it was time to go downstairs. american sharks were playing, they weren't bad, sounded more punk than metal. i was hell bent on finding a clear spot near the wall and chilling there. oh no, B had other ideas, like right in the 1st 5 rows of people.

now, this might not bother a lot of people. but i have severe anxiety in crowds of people. i shut down, don't talk, refuse to look at people, almost cry. i can't handle it, i can barely go to walmart or the mall by myself, since i don't like a lot of people. i do like being alone, just not surrounded by groups of people.

now, i stood there and watched the stage trying to toon out to music, trying to ignore the people everywhere. oh, B and T had other ideas. oh, it was mosh pit time. i'm terrified of mosh pits. i've heard horror stories, broken noses, bloody faces, bruises. i get bruises when i accidently hit my leg on the shower door, imagine what a mosh pit could do. due to these two, i almost become part of my 11th circle of hell (10 being speaking in front of people). i stood there with big eyes horrified at the fact i was almost being dragged in. they finally got the hint and dragged me further into the crowd of people towards the stage, away from the pit.

oh it wasn't over, not by a long shot. T and K went to mosh behind us, while B stood next to me. i didn't enjoy this, since within 10 secs, i was sexually harassed and my butt was grabbed. i tried getting out but B refused (didn't get to tell him, since we couldn't hear each other). while in this spot, they started crowd surfing. i was having none of this and trying retreating. brenden decided to go. then the guy starting it grabbed me and tried dragging me up there. i was freaking out, having some strange guy grabbing you, trying to pick you off of the ground. i kept shaking my head no and saying NO very loudly. he tried telling me you're ok and i'll be fine. yes, telling my brain full of anxious thoughts that and i'll get back to you. this happened for 1-2 minutes. i almost broke down. i wanted to curl up in a ball, die and disappear. i was wishing for death, just to get this guy away from me. i felt the tears trying to come through. i was about to cry and it was hard to breathe. B magically showed up and dragged me from that guy, taking me back a few rows. i had completely frozen. my brain shut down. B saw this and took me to the wall.

i felt like i had to pass out. i wanted to stay near the wall until the concert was over. i loved that wall more than ever in that time. B, T and K wanted to know what happened while during their smoke break, and why i freaked out. i told them about being grabbed by one guy and being dragged by another guy. B and T were "we'll handle it." great guys, i so can't wait. they came back after 5 mins, saying they beat the crap out of him and made him cry. awesome guys, still freaking out over here (i was a little grateful, but mostly freaked out). but no it's not over. B once again dragged me to the edge of the crowd and held me there.

i stared at the mosh pit, watching people get thrown around (that looks so much fun, not). that's not exactly what an anxious wants to see, having been almost in one. half way through corrosion of conformity, they decided to let me to go my wall of safety (still loving that wall). i stayed there for the most part, besides being dragged by B into the crowd again multiple times. finally when gwar was about to come on, they left for the spray zone and i had my wall once again (despite being told not to move, i moved). i was prepared for spray-age, but still panicking in my head, i was less concerned with that. i stayed by the wall for the rest of the show, with B, T, and K showing up every couple of minutes. i didn't really talk to B and T, since i was so furious for being dragged and held in a crowd.

have you ever felt so out of place? i felt it. i liked the music, the humor, the darkness and bright lights. but something inside me knew i wasn't meant to be there. i have anxiety in large crowds, which a concert is. i knew this going in but didn't really know how crazy they were. i'm terrified of mosh pits now, terrified of being grabbed and dragged by strangers, and have always been terrified of being in the middle of large groups of people. standing by that wall made me realize i'm not meant to be a concert going. my brain and body can't handle what goes on. it did make me sad, since i like music is a giant part of my life and seeing a live show is awesome (when not being in the middle of it). i accept the fact now that concerts aren't my thing.

i did enjoy the gwar concert part, they were funny and played good music. they even did a tribute to oderus, which was nice. COC wasn't that bad either. i even saw gor-gor, which i did swoon over. i love gor-gor, he's awesome. after that, we went home.

highlights-gor-gor, gwar was funny, nice music, the spot on that wall i didn't stray from

low-lights-K was in the 1st pit for 30 secs and landed on his back so hard he had to go to wall for air, being grabbed my 2 guys, the smell of alcohol

thanks to anyone for reading this. i know i don't write too many personal posts, but i figured i would share a piece of life, even if it did suck kind of. if you don't have anxiety issues, i would suggest you go. if you do, i would suggest wall time. 

and with the power of black friday sales..........

the things i placed orders for:

sugarpill-sparklebaby palette, i know shipping isn't that bad. i expected this to be more than 10% off like last years palettes $30

sedona lace-mellow mint brush set, seven piece brush set, tapered blending brush, i'm not sure how shipping is. i'm excited to have more blending brushes and face brushes, so i dont have to wash mine all the time $70

my pretty zombie-i wasn't planning on getting anything, but they released a new collection with trepanation and i need this color. i ordered 27 samples, which i can use a whole sample easily. the processing time update is 2 weeks, and i'm not sure about shipping either $20

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more tags

1:eight favorite movies

corpse bride, scott pilgrim vs the world, bride of frankenstein, death and cremation, zombieland, hangman's curse, godzilla, the fifth element
2:ten current favorite songs

gwar-gor-gor, metric-black sheep, blink 182-first date, killswitch engage-the end of heartache, daft punk-aerodynamic, in flames-dial 595-escape, marilyn manson-dried up, tied up, and dead, afi-love like winter, rise against-savior, say anything-wow, i can get sexual too

3:four favorite shows

american horror story, face off, how the universe works, oddities
4:three favorite books
frankenstein, catcher in the rye, the great gatsby

5:five favorite places
beach, my couch, ulta, walmart, museums

6:nine favorite characters
pikachu, bride of frankenstein, girl from persona 3, penguin from looney tunes, gor-gor, draco from dragonheart, ramona from scott pilgrim, jarod from death and cremation, ian from hangman's curse

7:three favorite drinks
iced lemon tea, mountain dew, dr pepper

8:seven favorite foods
pasta/noodles, chicken, salsa/chips, oreos, cheesecake, cupcakes, potatoes

9:one favorite selfie

10:twelve favorite (tumblr) people

xtoxictears, anemia, dracmakens, synful-opheliac, derpycats, psychara, rickyhomicide, laura-aurora, limecrime, sugarpillcosmetics, xsparkage, myeyeshadowisodd

black friday sale?

everyone is posting about black friday sales, which i look forward to every year. i don't do all my shopping, and even less this year. the ones i'm looking forward to are sedona lace and sugarpill. i've been eyeing sedona lace for months now and hoping they have the same sale as last year, 50% off. i'm very intrigued by the seven piece set, since i want to try them out for eye brushes. the tapered blending brush i also want to try for blending out shadows before highlight. i also have been inspired by biohazardousbeauty to get the mellow mint brush set, which to me look like frankenstein head brushes (which i need). i also have been eyeing sugarpill's sparklebaby palette. it has some pretty pastel shades in it and IT HAS A KITTEN ON THE FRONT WEARING A CROWN. i have the other sugarpill palettes, and this one would go great with those. these are the only items i'm looking at so far, until after xmas. i don't want to buy anymore shadows after sugarpill, since i still haven't gone through enough of my coastal scents palettes. i would like some large blending brushes for better blending. so that's what's on my list for black friday. i'm waiting for the official announcement on facebook/email for the deals.

unexpected haul, didn't find what i was looking for

i'm not much of an xmas person, the xmas songs, crowds of people, and snow i loathe. but i do enjoy sales and the good smells. i was looking for gingerbread, which i couldn't find in either walmart or hallmark. this is what i got instead, but i'm still looking for gingerbread.

 fresh eucalyptus mint-smells like vicks, which might come in handy for winter

 black raspberry vanilla-it smells close to the perfume i have from b&b works

 frosty winter nights-smells like a guy's soap, not like trees or snow

 orchid paradise-this smells like

 cherry berry-smells like cherries and strawberries

 candy cane lane- i melted 1/4 and it doesn't seem to be a strong scent of peppermint, the larger candles smelled more potent

luscious plum-smells like a plum, nice and fruity

i'm still going to eventually get gingerbread, hopefully with a coupon. i smelled merry marshmallow and snowflake cookie, but they didn't smell strong at all.

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more tags from tumblr, since i don't have many reviews to do right now.

Lust:Something that I find attractive.

relaxed and can joke about life, but also have their sh!t together

Pride:Something that I like about myself.

for awesome people, i have an endless amount of love

Sloth:Something that I dislike about myself.
i give people more chances than they deserve

Envy:Something I wish I was better at.
getting a camera so i can destress

Gluttony:One of my favorite foods.
mostly snack things

Wrath:Something that gets me angry.
people, mostly people things

Greed:Something I can’t get enough of.
"feminine" things like makeup and scent things, like wax melts

urban decay naked 3 palette review

naked 3, $54, ulta
strange- mostly matte (looks satin but its doesn't translate that way on the eye) white-cream
dust- light baby shimmery pink
burnout- shimmery peach pink 
limit- pale darker matte pink/peach
buzz- shimmery mauve pink
trick- shimmery orange peach
nooner- matte darker mauve pink
liar- shimmery darker mauve pink
factory- shimmery medium brown
mugshot- shimmery tan/silver
darkside- shimmery chocolate brown/gray
blackheart- shimmery black with red shimmer/undertone

this is a nice palette to add in with brighter colors. it has a lot of good blending out shades, or if you want a neutral color with a bit of brighter color somewhere. the other palettes didn't suit me, since i hate brown. these browns aren't too bad, i'm more prone to using the pink shades. the darker colors can be used as crease shades for bright colors. the case hasn't given me any problems. the double ended brush is also nice and useful. i haven't opened the primer packets yet, since i already have the primer potion. 

WOULD I RECOMMEND THIS? if you like pink tones and neutral colors, yeah. if you enjoy more brighter colors, this would only be a blending/additional palette. it would also be nice for some who don't like brown, which is rare. this can make simple eye looks easy. i know $54 is steep, so i would wait until a sale happens or a coupon. 

physicians formula eye booster liner review

ultra black, $10.99, ulta

this is a great fine point liner. this is some long wearing stuff. this last all day and seems to be waterproof. i use it to do an inner wing, which it does nicely. i havent noticed any lash boosting, my lashes are already long. this doesnt fade during the day.

WOULD I RECOMMEND THIS? if you want a super thin line, yeah. this does last a long time and stays black. i'm not too sure about the lash boosting. the tip also doesn't bend and the bristles don't splay out. it also doesn't hurt like some liquid eye liner tips stabbing your eyes.

too faced and tarte blushes review

candy glow and peach beach, $30 each, ulta

candy glow is a nice light pink with no noticable shimmer. peach beach is a nice peach color, with subtle shimmer.

classic, daydream, prim, amour, thrilled, $34, ulta

classic is a rosy pink. daydream is a pink with a plum undertone. prim is a rosy nude. amour is a baby pink. thrilled is a very light pink.

the tarte blushes i mostly use for 'contouring', which is not very noticable. the too faced blushes i use above the tarte ones, and blend those both out with fluffy brush. i like how these can be applied opaque or sheer and dont look super shimmery. it doesnt take a lot of product to get a nice result.

WOULD I RECOMMEND THIS? if you're new to blush, the too faced ones are nice. $30 for a blush seems steep for some, but these are on sale for the ulta 30 days of beauty. the tarte ones are nice for pale girl 'contouring' and for blush. these are good mini sizes for trying out the formula and colors.

current favs 3

so this may be a monthly thing as of for now. let's keep it going.

BEAUTY
|too faced better than sex mascara| 
i love this mascara, it pains me that it's $23. i like the brush and how it makes them black, long and separated.
|ud electric palette|
i love this for how well it works with sugarpill. thrash, freak and jilted are some of my favs. with a white base, these are mega bright.
|nyx simply vamp lip creams|
these are wonderful for wearing during fall and for scaring children and older people. it's nice to add that one extra goth/punk element to makeup.
|naked 3 palette|
i can't believe i caved into the naked b.s. this is the only palette that wasn't mostly brown. i do like this palette, mostly for blending out and transition colors. it's a nice palette, even for someone who's a bright eyeshadow person.

NON BEAUTY
|american horror story|
i love how this show just keeps getting crazier. it's even more fun when your friends have inside jokes for almost every character in the show.
|halloween|
i enjoyed my halloween, by sitting home and eating, avoiding children. there were some good horror movies on.
|after halloween sales|
i went to walmart, cvs, and spirit of halloween for decorations. walmart was for car clings and i found some bat lights. spirit of halloween was for more car clings and zombie magnets. i had my eye on some candle votive holders at cvs since they first came out. after halloween, they were 2/$5 instead of 2/$10. i use those as lip gloss/lip pencil/mascara holders.
|scott pilgrim vs. the world|
i have an undying love for this movie. it combines video games, music, and epic fight scenes. i've watched it 3 times over the month and it doesn't get old. the soundtrack is pretty awesome too.

skin care supplies

these are skin care things i use/plan to use.

masks-these i use 1 a week/every 2 weeks, depends on how my skin is feeling
cucumber peel off mask, strawberry chocolate clay mask, ultra cleansing mud mask, vitamin e moisture mask, tea tree oil mask, tiny jars-dead sea minerals blue mask

 exfoliators-to get dead skin off and somewhat clean pores
xoxo-raspberries/vanilla musk, coconut lime-vacation smell, toasted sugar-vanilla

 eye creams-i use these at night, after removing makeup
tarte eye cream, algenist balm, vitamin e cream

 treatments-further cleanses pores/prevents acne
tea tree toner, deep pore cleanser

 moisturizers-used before makeup primers and after cleaning face after makeup
aveeno-day moisturizer before makeup, vitamin e day/night moisturizers, night time firming cream

 cleansers-used in shower or before facials
tea tree clearing lotion, tea tree face wash, vitamin e cleansing, foaming cleanser-used in shower to clean off makeup, gentle skin cleanser-used before facials, since it doesn't foam up and doesn't need water

 oils-used before night creams
tea tree oil-used for acne (can be used for troublesome piercings), maracuja oil-makes skin smoother and softer

 extras-used for cleaning in other ways
sephora pore cleansing pad-used for face cleaning and makeup brush cleaning (works well with eye and face brushes), honey almond body wash

lotions-used sometimes when skin feels dry
cherry blossom lotion(sorry the package looks dirty, it survived hs gym class well), hand treatment, passionberry vanilla lotion, mineral hand cream, shrinking lotion(i'm not even sure what this does, i don't even need "diet" lotion)

tarte 12 days set

 tarte 12 days set, $37, ulta

• limited edition lipsurgence wishful, brazilliance self tanning towelette 1, clean slate primer, limited edition finishing powder, multipleye lash primer, lights camera lashes 4 in 1 mascara, lights camera flashes statement mascara, double detox exfoliating mask, rainforest glow body perfector, limited edition blush thrilled, maracuja eye treatment, limited edition maracuja oil
• i've used most of these products, and i'm pleased with the tarte brand. the second 4 in 1 mascara was free from ulta, if you spend over a certain amount. i wont be using the bronzing towel or cream, since i don't tan. the tear out of the package is for a coupon, $10 off a $50 purchase of tarte. i'll be saving that for after xmas. a review of these should be up soon.

prestige white liner review

popstar, $5.99, ulta

this is an ok white liner. it does skip, so you have to go over it multiple times, which even then it still skips. it's not a brush applicator, more of a stiff one. this makes it a little harder to handle, and you might stab yourself with it. it does last all day, which a good liner should. it does come off easy with makeup remover.

WOULD I RECOMMEND THIS? if you prefer a liquid liner, yeah. i would just use a brush with milk pencil and go over it with shadow. the applicator is tricky and sensitive eye areas won't like how hard it is. it also does go on opaque, and with multiple coats, it still skips. if you don't mind not using liquid liner, then nope.

BEAUTY SCENARIO tag

1. You have to get rid of all your foundations and you can only keep one high end and one drugstore, which do you keep?
maybelline pure bb cream $7-8, fergie bb cream $5, i don't do high end
2. You go for an interview and the lady interviewing you has lipstick on her teeth. Do you approach the subject or ignore it completely?
depends on the situation, but most likely no
3. You're not feeling yourself and need a pick me up. Which lipstick do you put on to make yourself feel beautiful?
nyx vampy enamored or revlon kissable charm
4. You go back in time for a day to your teenage years, how would you do your hair and makeup differently?
i wouldn't really change anything, i enjoyed my black panda shadow days
5. You ask your hairdresser for a shoulder length Pixie Lott hair cut, but they hear wrong and give you a pixi cut. Do you a) Smile, say thank you, leave and call your mum hysterical b) Cry in the chair and things get awkward or c) Complain to the manager and demand a refund.
as someone who's been in beauty school, you can catch this before anything happens. but, i would say this isn't what i wanted, but not crying. if she argues then bring in a manager
6. Your friend surprises you with a 4 day city break and you have 1 hour to pack. Which 'do it all' palette do you pack in your makeup bag?
HAHAHAHAHAHA, good one. ud smoked, electric, sugarpill palettes, naked 3
7. Your house has been robbed, don't worry everyone is safe, but your beauty stash has been raided. What's the product you really hope is safe?
anything expensive or hard to get. leave my makeup alone
8. Your friend borrows your makeup and returns it in awful condition. Do you a) Just pretend you haven't noticed b) Ask them to repurchase it or c) Secretly do the same to something of theirs? i've had this done to me in beauty school. she was freaking out because she broke it, she did give me money to pay for another. but other than that i don't loan out my makeup, unsanitary.

occ lip tar review

mini set, $18 full size, sephora
these are great for low maintenance color wearers. they last all day, if you're careful eating/drinking. they can be slightly drying, but a lip balm underneath works fine. these do need a lip brush to apply, which means you would need to carry that for touch ups. these can be tricky because if you apply to much product, it bleeds all over. a small dot is enough for your lips. these can also be mixed to create custom colors. some of these are matte, while others have glitter.

WOULD I RECOMMEND THIS? if you like low maintenance, then these are good to try. you may need a lip brush, but using a drop makes this product last a long time. these do last if you pay attention when eating. you can also mix them, which can make some get creative.

nyx jumbo lip pencil review

soft fuschia, almond, honey nectar, $4.50, nyx

these are similar to the revlon pencils, but don't twist up or have a peppermint smell. these last about the same time 3-5 hours. the soft fuschia and honey nectar are good pinky nude colors and almond is a good concealer lip color. these don't have a noticeable shine to them, but a gloss could be added. i haven't tried sharpening these, but a bigger sharpener would probably do fine.

WOULD I RECOMMEND THIS? if you don't like the peppermint smell of the revlon ones, these would be good for you. they aren't twist up, but many places sell and bigger sharpener. they do last a good while and have no shine. 

update on wax collection

 golden maple waffles-it does smell like delicious waffles, mostly mapley

pinecones & birch-you do get a pine wood smell, not the pine tree needle kind of smell, smells like the woods

orange buttercream cupcake-you mostly get orange, but you get the creamy smell a little. smells like a orange fruity pebble

pumpkin ginger cookie-you somewhat get ginger, not a whole lot of pumpkin

vanilla cookie crunch-it smells like creamy vanilla and cookies

perfect corner bakery-smells like cinnamon roll spices and icing

wild berry cheesecake-it smells like mixed berries, with cream

dragons blood-i had to look this one up, it says combined sweet/spicy. it smells like nothing else i own. it smells familiar, kind of incense-y

bite me!-smells like real juicy cherries. my friend wanted to eat this. it smells wonderful, juicy and sweet

black cherry-smells like cherries, which i love cherries

candy corn-smells like sugar, slightly like marshmallows

meyer lemon-smells like clean fresh lemons, not like cleaning lemon products though

macintosh-smells like apples, not the green tart granny smith ones, the red ones

silver birch-smells like a good guys cologne, kind of tree like, kind of musky

swatches from previous hauls

swatches from products i recently have gotten.

rockateur, bali, classic, daydream

prim, amour, thrilled, candy glow

candy glow, peach beach (sorry about blueness, the sun doesn't want to work with the paleness)

lipsurgence in wishful

naked 3 strange, dust, burnout, limit

buzz, trick, nooner, liar

factory, mugshot, darkside, blackheart

revolt, gonzo, slowburn, savage

fringe, chaos, jilted, urban

freak, thrash